too much

this much
that much
how much
your touch
too much
for me

deep down
into the ground
bummed and slummed
i am crushed
deliberately flushed
saddened maddened
by my need
for you, you see

this spot
that spot
out out spot
dotting the “i”s
of my desire
this fool for hire
whatever use
for you, I can be

up, up in the sky
higher is my high
zinging through
what’s one to do
ride it, fast and long
it can’t be wrong
this you do, to me.

***

take

i want to take you

pull your hair tight
twist that sensitive flesh
stripe the bare expanse of your back
whisper all the nasty names in your ear
score you with my nails

i want to take you

down down deep
to that floating space
into the raw, vulnerable place
where the inside turns out

i want to take you

claim your flesh
possess your body
mark you as my own

i want to take you
now.
***

kiss

i want to kiss you
and kiss you
and kiss you
for one
never-ending
moment

your honeyed lips
oh sweet lips
softly surrendering
harshly possessing
your devastating lips

your mouth
on mine
my mouth
on yours
playful tongues
intertwined and combined
delightful and divine

oh to kiss you
and to kiss you
and to kiss you

kiss me
kiss me
quick and fast
slowly and maddeningly

you
your lips
your kiss.
***

dream

i dream of you

the soft feel of your hair
slipping through my fingers
the salty taste of your skin
here and there
the way you sigh
under my touch

i dream of you

smiling your monalisa smile
underneath the moonlight
stretching like a cat
before prowling somewhere
laughing gently at me
sending shivers down my spine

i dream of you

wondering what we will do
and what we will explore
tasting each other
for the longest breathless kiss
wanting the endless wanting of you
and your wonderfully wicked ways

i dream of you.

***

An Enigmatic Poetry Reading: The Enigmatic Angel LIVE @ The Alternative Lifestyles Community Centre (ALCCVA)

Well this is certainly a blog about kinky firsts.

I will be reading a selection of my kinky poetry, in English & French, at a public event in town.

This I have never done before. I have shared my vanilla poetry before, at some past events, but never my alternative stuff.

I have also never been to Montreal’s Alternative Lifestyles Community Centre (ALCCVA). What is Montreal’s Alternative Lifestyles Community Centre (ALCCVA) all about, you may ask?

Well, I think the Centre is about some dark & delightful dreams finally coming true in Montreal.

The ALCCVA is all about a host of alternative lifestyle people finding a home & resource, where they all feel welcome. Maybe you are a swinger, or are polyamorous. Gay Leathermen. Furries. Cross dressers. Queer BDSM. Whatever your taste, sexual orientation or kink – you now have a place to turn to.

The Centre offers many workshops and seminars to suit a variety of tastes. Learn how to play safe. It’s all there for you.

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Here is a list of what’s coming up at the ALCCVA:

* Sunday, November 21 from 4:30 pm to 6:00 pm
ALCCVA Violet Wand 101 Workshop / Atelier (bilingue)

* Sunday, November 21 from 7:00 pm to 10:00 pm
ALCCVA Dark & Erotic Poetry / Poésie erotique et noire Groupe (bilingue)

* Wednesday, November 24 from 7:00 pm to 10:00 pm
ALCCVA Medical Hygene Workshop / Hygiène médicale - Atelier (bilingue)

* Saturday, November 27 from 2:00 pm to 5:00 pm
Massage Lovers Group - Groupe Amateurs de massage (Bilingual / Bilingue)

* Saturday, November 27 from 5:00 pm to 9:00 pm
ALCCVA Potluck/ Repas-partage

* Sunday, November 28 from 10:00 am to 2:00 pm
ALCCVA First Aid & CPR Course / Premiers secours de RCR (bilingue)

* Sunday, November 28 from 7:00 pm to 10:00 pm
ALCCVA Leather Lifestyles / Style de vie Cuir Groupe (bilingue)

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Join the Alternative Lifestyles Community Centre (ALCCVA) on facebook to get invited to all thier special community events:
Alternative Lifestyles Community Centre (ALCCVA) on facebook

Yes, I will be reading a selection of my kinky writes at the ALCCVA Dark & Erotic Poetry / Poésie erotique et noire Groupe (bilingue) event.

If you want to meet this Enigmatic Angel LIVE and in person, this is a rare opportunity to do so.

Those who know me know I rarely attend kinky events in town.

And you know what? I have never even heard of a dark & erotic poetry event being hosted in town. So that’s another kinky first, as far as I know.

Come and see me….if you dare.

Kinky kisses,
Angel

Montreal's Alternative Lifestyles Community Centre Brings Kink On Campus For World AIDS Week

It was the perfect audience for a frank discussion: young, open-minded, sexually aware & interested in practicing & promoting safe sex.

The discussion? The McGill University Global AIDS Coalition's panel on “Positive Pleasures: the Stigma of Sex Work and HIV/AIDS.”

This year from November 15 to 18, McGill Global AIDS Coalition will be collaborating with other initiatives like CANFAR and Médecins Sans Frontières to conduct World AIDS Week on the McGill University campus. World AIDS Week is a series of events designed to educate the community about issues relating to HIV, global health, and human rights as well as raise money for the Stephen Lewis Foundation.

Add our kinky community’s very own Contessa Alura & her ground-breaking Alternative Lifestyles Community Centre (ALCCVA) and there you have it – a winning mix to get the message out about alternative lifestyles.

Other panel speakers were McGill University’s Dr. Pierre-Paul Tellier, and Dr. Diane Meaghan, an author of books on the international sex trade.

Dr. Tellier, McGill University's Director of Student Health Services, spoke about the questioning gay and lesbian youth he sees in his practice that are all too often forced to turn to what he called “survival sex”, sex that such youth are forced to turn to survive when they end up on the street. He advocated for very early on sex education in our schools, where children would be taught to see the body as a positive thing, something to be proud of.

Dr. Diane Meaghan spoke of a host of very grim statistics around the world of sex trade workers, who in her words are “criminalized and stigmatized” and who are seriously at risk for HIV infections.

Center stage in both placement and also with the young crowd’s attention, Contessa Alura stood up to talk straight talk (so to speak hehe) about BDSM, what it means, about her experiences as a Pro Domme, and also about her ground-breaking ALCCVA organization, which she hopes will be a resource for a vast range of people from alternative lifestyles, from swingers to kinksters and more.

Here is a little blurb about the ALCCVA:

“The ALCCVA is a free and open space where like minded individuals can meet, share, learn, build and create meaningful relationships, discover, and seek information without fear, judgment, or discrimination.”

All this and more made for a very stimulation discussion and certainly raised a few questions in my mind.

Yes, your kinky intrepid & enquiring reporter (known as yours truly) noticed a few blank spaces that needed some filling.

So I mentioned the “b” word. You’re thinking beyaatch, right? lol
In this case the “b” word was bisexual.

As someone who identifies as being bisexual, I was struck by how this important segment in the sex trade and youth was simply not mentioned at all in this public discussion.

Ah there definitely was a reason for this, I soon found out.

Dr. Tellier admitted that bisexual youth were often left out and felt discriminated by both the gay/lesbian and straight communities and were marginalized.

Dr. Meaghan claimed that not many of the sex trade population identify as truly being bisexual. I really question this personally, as I know so many people in our local kinky community, and pro dommes included, DO identify as bisexual. When I chatted with the lovely Contessa Alura after the discussion was over, she told me she was glad that I brought up the bisexual question, during the Q & A part of the evening. She definitely had her own opinions on that.

I was happy to learn that the ALCCVA has a new & freshly growing group for bisexuals. Definitely something I’ll be checking out. We need more voices for our bisexual community in Montreal, that’s for sure.

Something else I brought up during the Q & A session was the tracking & statistics concerning Pro Dommes and the prevalence of HIV infections within that community.

The Contessa advised the crowd that sadly there is a great lack of tracking with this important question. In a perfect world, yes it would be great to have Pro Dommes studied seriously, with their need for protection and proper BDSM safe practices being promoted and encouraged.

As Contessa Alura said, Pro Dommes are starting younger and younger. As I looked at the young crowd around me, I thought about all the youngsters out there paying their way through university with Pro Domme sessions. This was the perfect young crowd to speak to, to reach that segment, I thought.

Contessa Alura mentioned something that I truly hope comes to pass one day. Just as the LGBTQ community is becoming more & more part of the mainstream and not as alternative as it once was, perhaps one day BDSM will also become part of the main and viewed as healthy and “normal”.

That would make for a Brave New World, indeed.

Kinky food for thought,
Angel

BDSM, The DSM & Orgasm Inc.

Hmmm it’s not often that I write about orgasms in a direct and in your face (so to speak hehe) manner, n’est-ce pas?

But seeing a screening of the movie Orgasm Inc. make me want to write something about the connection between BDSM, orgasms, and the vanilla world’s (and North American psychiatric circle’s) definition of what is “normal” in sexual function.

In a discussion with the sexologist present after the film screening, the speakers casually mentioned how so-called sexual dysfunction can be found in the DSM. Most people in the crowd had no clue what the DSM was/is, I have no doubt.

So enter the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (DSM-IV) ...soon to be DSM-V. Commonly referred to as the DSM.

What the heck is that?

Well, basically it is the medical “bible” used by doctors and psychiatrists to diagnose aberrant mental behaviors and conditions.

And yes folks, you guessed it – they placed components of BDSM in there.

Now I’ll tell you about me & the DSM & BDSM. You see we have a long history together. Ha!

One of the first books that I ever read that described BDSM was a psychology textbook in college, which described different facets of BDSM, under the DSM category.

This, my kinky friends, was the first “factual”, scientific book that I read that described these strange fantasies that I had been thinking. And since the book is used to diagnose problems, well it definitely gave me a negative view about what I was feeling. Not very encouraging to say the least. Luckily I went on to discover other materials – and people – who explained BDSM in more positive terms. Which made me realize no I was not a freak. Other people felt the way I did. Phew.

An interesting premise of the movie that “female sexual dysfunction syndrome” was actually created by pharmaceutical companies who obviously have a vested interest in pushing the pills and a range of gadgets. Just imagine having a wire stuck into your spine to help you experience orgasms. There is something seriously disturbing about that, that someone would even come up with such a concept. What the sexologist said after the movie made much more sense – that basically people need to talk to each other, to explore their desires and work things out.

That wire looked like something out of a Frankenstein movie to me. Yikes!

But thinking and discussing what is normal in sexual function made me think about BDSM and sexuality. What is normal with that connection?

At the après-film discussion, I asked a few questions about the DSM and the answer I received, to me, seemed to prove the same point as the movie did.

Pharmaceutical companies create so-called sexual dysfunctions. North American psychiatrists sit together to decided what is “normal" sexual behavior and what is dysfunctional behavior and put that info into the DSM version of the year. And thousands of doctors and psychiatrists follow this directive and diagnose accordingly.

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Want to know what the DSM says about BDSM?

Check it out:

from AllPsychOnline

“Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (DSM-IV)
Paraphilias and Sexual Disorders
Common Characteristics

Paraphilias all have in common distressing and repetitive sexual fantasies, urges, or behaviors. These fantasies, urges, or behaviors must occur for a significant period of time and must interfere with either satisfactory sexual relations or everyday functioning if the diagnosis is to be made. There is also a sense of distress within these individuals. In other words, they typically recognize the symptoms as negatively impacting their life but feel as if they are unable to control them.

Disorders in this Category

Exhibitionism
Fetishism
Frotteurism
Pedophilia
Sexual Masochism
Sexual Sadism
Transvestic Fetishism
Voyeurism"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

First of all, is it not disturbing to see S/M placed in the same category as Pedophilia??

And now let’s look at two specifics here:

"Sexual Masochism
Category
Paraphilias and Sexual Disorders

Etiology
There are different theories related to sexual masochism, many stemming from the psychoanalytic camp. They suggest that childhood trauma (e.g., sexual abuse) or significant childhood experiences can manifest itself in exhibitionistic behavior.

Symptoms
Sexually masochistic behaviors are typically evident by early adulthood, and often start with masochistic or sadistic play in childhood. The disorder is characterized by either intense sexually arousing fantasies, urges, or behaviors in which the individual is humiliated, beaten, bound, or made to suffer in some way.

Sexual Sadism
Category
Paraphilias and Sexual Disorders

Etiology
There are different theories related to sexual sadism, many stemming from the psychoanalytic camp. They suggest that childhood trauma (e.g., sexual abuse) or significant childhood experiences can manifest itself in exhibitionistic behavior.

Symptoms

Sexually sadistic behaviors are typically evident by early adulthood, and often start with masochistic or sadistic play in childhood. The disorder is characterized by either intense sexually arousing fantasies, urges, or behaviors in which the individual is sexually aroused by causing humiliation or physical suffering of another person.”

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So apparently we all got messed up in childhood and that’s why we like pain/like causing pain?
Oh boy.

You know, on the one hand I really enjoyed watching the movie and discussion, because it opened my mind a lot to the North American view on sexuality and the impact that pharmaceutical companies have on whether or not we feel we are “normal”.

On the other hand, these DSM psychiatrists have a ways to go before they understand people like us, the kinky folk, the fetishists, the transvestites & transgendered, and the oh so many variations of BDSMers out there.

My question:
Where do we go from here?
Should we even try to make inroads in the psychiatrist community to be better understood?

Kinky food for thought.
Angel